As some of you may know, I have a 14 year old daughter who has ADHD and Asperger's. We call her T-Rex around here. Until this past May, she lived with her father, step-mother, brother, and step-brother. My son, Li'l C, still lives with his dad. From what I gather, the reason my ex-husband agreed to have T-Rex live here with us is because there was tension between T-Rex and pretty much everyone else in the household. Especially her step-mother. I'm not going to go into details, but I get that there are two sides to every story.
Moving on. Tonight's post is about parenting. As parents, It is our job to prepare our children for the adult world. We are not raising children, we are raising ADULTS! Every parent should want the same thing for their kids. We should want our kids to be successful; to be good at things. We should be setting them up for that success! It is our responsibility to make sure that, when they graduate high school they have - at the very least - some basic life skills. They should be able to do their own laundry, including reading tags and following instructions. They should know how to COOK! Boil water, measure ingredients, bake a god damn cake! They should also know how to clean a house. And change a tire. And fix a clogged or leaking pipe. As parents, we should be teaching our children how to be self sufficient. In T-Rex's case, this is IMPERATIVE!! She is filled with self doubt. She is terrified of the oven. She sucks at washing dishes. She has to be reminded to eat, and to eat well.
I am frustrated because I feel like a lot of these things, at least the very basics should have been taught to her before now. I'm not calling anyone out. But, I feel like this is something that all parents need to address. Teach your boys how to cook and clean. Teach your girls how to change a flat tire, and how to do basic home repairs. You are not simply a baby sitter. You're a fucking PARENT! So. . . parent!
Also, praise your kids when they do right. Even if it is something as simple as getting an answer on their math homework correct on the first try. If they do the dishes or take out the trash without being told, acknowledge that shit! That's why they did it! When you don't pay attention to your kids, they find ways to get your attention, and it's usually in a negative way.
Wanna know why your son is a fucking hoodlum? Because he's unsupervised! Not saying that you need to be up your kid's ass 24/7, but if they have fucked up more than once, it's YOUR FAULT! You have the power to nip that negative behavior in the bud. You have the power to keep it from happening in the first place! Spend time with your kids. Take them places. Go climb rocks and trees and shit with them. Find a mutual interest! Or, take interest in their interests. If they are reading a book for a class, read the book too. Discuss that shit over dinner. While you're teaching them how to cook or fold laundry, talk to them. Engage them. Let them know that you enjoy their company. If you have a "sullen teen", engage them anyway! Make jokes! Even if they roll their eyes, you know they're listening. By ignoring them, you are letting them know that it is okay to be sullen. Do not allow your teens to be disrespectful. Teach them how to be respectful when they're two years old, and you won't have a(s much of a) problem.
I'm not trying to tell anyone what they are doing is wrong. I'm definitely not saying that I am a perfect parent. But I understand that I'm not the only person who has to deal with my kids. I want people to be proud to spend time with my kids. I think it's fucked up when people are surprised by a good kid. Seriously?!
Furthermore. Stop giving your little one's choices! They eat the food you provide. They go to bed when they're told. They stick to their routine. And sometimes, they cry. Let that shit happen! Life isn't fair for anyone. Parents are in control. Kids are not bosses. Don't forget to have fun, of course, but never forget that you are the damn leader. You are not your kid's best friend. Be the parent, people! And never forget that they're yours for the first 18 years, but the world has to deal with them for the 60 to 70 after that!
And yeah, I get that there are single parents out there, working three jobs to put food on the table. I get that sometimes one parent is unstable, or simply fucking worthless. I get that not everyone lives in optimal settings, so please don't jump up my ass about that shit. Do your best. Teach your kids to do their best. The rest of the world will thank you.
Blessed be, friends.
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